Guilt trip

Inspired by the only two modes of thinking that I'm always in at any given moment: Constantly yearning for some free time away from cleaning duties, and feeling bad that other people area cleaning up when I'm not. Is this what being a real adult is all about? Or I'm just going crazy at this time of the year... again?

ScamWow

You can't have the true modern Christmas experience without purchasing some dubious product online, only for it to either arrive late or have it lost during shipping. And then you have to scramble to find some replacement gift the day before Christmas, or try and convince everyone around you that "the true gift is all the friends we made along the way". Better hope your folks enjoy onions as a gift...

Just loafing around

Inspired by the literal piles of expired food that is lying around this trash heap I call "Home" in which I still decide to consume said food items anyway, knowing full well that its nutritional value is equivalent to that of eating Lego. But, hey, anything's edible when you set your mind to it. Anyone up for some 8-year old taco sauce?

Stacker

Tell me, when was the last time you found a drying rack where all the items have been both cleaned to a reasonable extent and neatly stacked? Probably only once in a dream, I bet.

Be the unsung and underappreciated hero your city deserves and stack those plates today!

Deep soak

There are times when I think that a deep soak is just a hoax propagated by people who don't want to clean pots and pans, but also don't want to outright admit that. May as well buy a new pot or pan every time one needs to cook, if people are going to go to these lengths to avoid cleaning.

Thousand yard stare

Don't you just hate it when you remembered that one thing you didn't do, whether it's cleaning something or taking out/in the clothes, and it just throws you off for the rest of the day? No? Alright, I guess it's just a problem with me then...

Our Mess

Vaguely inspired by all those people who are always telling me "clean this thing up" or "tidy that up" and either never do anything about it themselves or do the bare minimum after there's enough people helping said cleanup (or just outright assume you'll be the one willing to do the work). How do people  keep getting away with this?!

Dishing it out

For all those times I'm washing a ton of dishes, and people just keep adding to the pile with their own used plates and cutlery. Even worse, some people would wait for you to start cleaning and then dump all their stuff on you so they don't have to clean it themselves. If you're one of those people, you're cruising for a bruising.

Health degradation

You're telling me there's a correlation between all the times I've been getting sick this year and the number of occasions where I've left week-old garbage lying around at home? Sounds like the stuff conspiracy theories are made of.

Hallowclean

Bonus points if you can convince people that the rancid smell coming from the basement is just your "homemade rotting corpse fragrance for Halloween" to really immerse people into the whole haunted house theme you've got going, and totally not bags of garbage that you forgot about for weeks on end.

Forgetfulness

A testament to all those times I forget to do some menial task, like taking out the garbage or cleaning the dishes, and then keep forgetting to do said task until someone gets mad about me not actioning said task. As I often say in response to this: "If you're so mad about this task not being done, you're free to do it yourself."

Ungraceful Charity

Partly inspired by all the unsolicited life advice I usually get from people older than me. Which to clarify, I wouldn't mind getting free stuff that symbolizes their disappointment with my life, at least I can sell that stuff for money or even re-gift it to other people... implying that they, too, should clean up their life.

Spotless

Inspired by that age-old paradox of cleaning a room, but your very presence in the room while cleaning is making the place filthy again. But you have to be there, otherwise the cleaning won't happen...

You know what this means: Time to buy a hazmat suit for household cleaning purposes.

Professionals Have Standards

In hindsight, all those times people have gotten me to dispose of week-old food waste and the occasional animal will probably contribute to some kind of lifelong health implication down the line. I suppose that's why people are so keen on getting me to undertake such tasks...

Perception of waste

Being messy can be good and/or manageable, depending on the context. Now you can fool yourself more effectively whenever you look at that abysmal pile of unwashed clothes and tell yourself "I just need to find the right context for this to be OK..."

So long, partner

In recent years, September seems to be the month that's all about the pain of searing loss. As we remember the good old days in times past, let us also remember that the future is what you make of it and that we should honor those that have come before us...

Wow, that was unusually deep for a weekly comic blurb.

Weather report

Any kind of weather-dependent cleaning is always a double-edged sword. On one hand, if the weather is unfavorable enough, you're off the hook. On the other hand, such weather often makes future cleaning attempts more difficult, whether it's having to deal with a bigger mess or being scolded by friends and family for not being proactive enough.

Modern thinking would suggest that you just pay someone else to do your cleaning, regardless of the weather.

Dish washing

Inspired by all those times I grab something from the drying rack, only to find it either slightly oily or with rather obvious food stains still visible. It's like I'm the only one who cares about clean dishes and cutlery these days!

Wash and Learn

Based on the realisation that as you age closer to 30, you suddenly understand the importance of cleaning and/or home maintenance, which nobody told you how to optimally action at any point in the many years leading up to this point. It's almost like your friends and family wanted your life to nosedive after 30.

Missing equipment

Communal cleaning equipment is very much a double-edged sword. On one hand, you save a bunch of money by only have to purchase and maintain one set of cleaning items. On the other hand, things are constantly misused, misplaced or outright go missing, and then you end up having to buy the darn thing again which basically nullifies all the cost benefits anyway. What a scam cleaning can be sometimes...

No visitors, No problems

As it turns out, some people clean their houses not so much to impress people, but to compensate for one's own shortcomings. In other words, cleaning a cover-up for the true state of one's life. I sure hope I don't turn into one of those people, but then again, this blog more or less speaks for itself on that front...

Idle hands

Partly inspired by the classic saying: "If you've got time to lean, you've got time to clean". Sure, most of us abhor any form of cleaning duty, which is perhaps why someone like myself prefers to stay busy enough to have a semi-legitimate excuse to not clean most of the time.

Smell you later

Let's be real: You only really notice that a given place smells bad when someone points it out to you. And when you're the only one who can detect said bad smell, some of us would be thinking "I suppose it's just me, since nobody else is complaining about it".
In which case, logic suggests that if you want something to smell OK, remove all the people who think that thing smells bad, which may or may not include you.

Rearrangements

This one's for all those people who can't help but clean up a messy room, even if it's not even their own house or even intended to be cleaned. Whoever you are, stop it - some of us want to willingly live in our own filth.

Clean getaway

Let's face it: Most of us would rather get some cleaning work done than talk to that one person that we'd rather avoid. It's a win-win for everyone - You avoid yet another a social encounter, the other person gets on with their life and the immediate location is slightly cleaner than it was moments before!

Floored

I guess if you're going to walk all over someone's freshly cleaned floor, you may as well go all-out and make as much of a mess as you can while moving. Drag your feet! Drool like a wild animal! Buy a smoothie just so you can spill half of it on the floor! Because a well-cleaned floor is also an indication of a floor that has been denied its purpose...

Diminishing returns

Based on my table of assorted things which gradually amasses many items over the course of a couple of years. If a place is messy for long enough, it just doesn't feel the same when it's all cleaned up. I'm sure other people beg to differ, but you don't need their opinions if they're never going to visit your house anyway.

Worth the wait

Everyone can ridicule you for holding onto alleged "trash" for years on end, and then you suddenly become useful when said items become either valuable or necessary by the very people who made fun of you in the first place. Sure, it may only happen once or even twice in your lifetime, but it's the feeling of being right is what really matters.

Sentimental value

For all those times when I've hoarded something for years on end, only to say to myself "Ugh, I'm never going to find a use for this" and then double down on finding a use for said item, falling back to sentimental feelings to convince myself that all that hoarding amounted to something at least. Yep, that's usually how it goes down these days...

Sinister Staining

The worst part is having to condition your brain to remember that it's only that specific surface where the specks are part of the surface, and then having your soul crushed when someone effortlessly wipes it all away using commercial grade alcohol wipes. Too bad the only stain it can't remove is your shame.

Lockout

You know you've been in the cleaning business long enough when you consistently get told things at the last minute, such as "Can you come back later? We're still having a party now" or "We changed all the locks without telling you". And that's if they even want to tell you...

Hand washing

A friendly reminder that washing your hands is never a bad idea... even if it means you have to go back and wash your hands again about 70% of the time.

Swept under the rug

Face it, can you really get out this kind of situation in one piece? Wait for someone to provide you with essential equipment and you're labelled as lazy and without initiative. Go and obtain your own equipment and people say you don't trust people to deliver on time and aren't a "team player".

But if you continue doing your job anyway without ever bringing up the fact that you're literally cleaning with a broom without a head, then... nobody cares enough to check up on you.

The Cleaner's Paradox

Surely, I can't be the only one who's noticed a smudge on a plate or bowl, tried to rub it off with a tissue and only ended up either spreading said smudge or just getting tissue bits everywhere. So lesson learned: Don't clean what you don't have to touch. Besides, someone else can clean it up, right?

Overtime

The worst part is turning up to the premises at the agreed time, only to find that the very people who called you in to clean up have decided to have an after-party of sorts. And then you're left to stand outside in the dark until they get tired and finally decide to go home. Yep, living the dream right there...

Burden of the Helpful

Based on all those times when I'm washing a single plate or bowl, and before I know it, I'm having to wash someone else's used pots, pans and seven other unusually greasy utensils. I suppose using a dishwasher would solve that issue, though people would still just have me hand wash their stuff anyway.

Cleaning is fun!

Interestingly enough, there's a slew of surprisingly fun cleaning-based video games, such as Viscera Cleanup Detail and PowerWash Simulator, to name a couple. Yet, cleaning up in reality is nowhere close to being that fun. If we were living in a simulation, clearly somebody isn't doing their job correctly...

Uninformed

Of course nobody tells the cleaners about social events that clash with their working hours. If anything, it's all the more reason why cleaners would be needed that day, albeit with no overtime pay and little possibility of employers learning from said clash.

A Clean Start

Nothing like a good old self-deprecating joke to start the month of April. It always seems to go down the same way: You start off motivated to make things right, look at the mess as a whole and deeply regret even thinking about the endeavour you're about to embark on. Sometimes we really do let our dreams be dreams...

Spring Cleaning

There's a certain kind of refreshment when you finish cleaning up all the unused apps from your device, or organizing your files into folders on your PC. What about that tangible pile of mess in your house? Just... pretend it's a work of art, or something.

Also for anyone who cares enough about the still-kind-of-new Instagram account: After realising the difficulty of posting comics with the more unusual aspect ratios such as this comic, as well as the awful user experience as a PC user, Instagram will probably be used instead for experimental drawings and maybe even off-hand comics. Stay tuned for more updates, I guess?

The Taste of Regret

A rather mediocre finale to not just last week's comic, but also to the "Food For Thought" series. Looking back on it now, I didn't realise I had so many weird perceptions about food and cooking. Kind of makes me think I'm a multi-faceted individual with nuanced opinions. HA! That joke will never stop getting old.

Also, as a heads up: With the new series starting next week, the comics will also be released on Instagram until further notice (or I get tired of Instagram). This might make it easier for some of you to keep up with all the latest and/or greatest comics, so be sure to follow the dante_denmore account and like those comics. Please?

Senior's Discount

The mundane sequel to last week's comic, as it were. These days, you'll be lucky to get any sort of discount without being some kind of a war veteran or hero of the people. It's like the cultural equivalent of all those "I did X and all I got was this lousy t-shirt" clothes, except this is one visage you can't remove easily.

Into the Future

Based on one of those limited-time redeemable tokens I got back in 2015 for a free sundae from McDonald's and capitalizing on the complacency of mega-corporations for using two digits to represent the year on printed dates. Now I just have to wait about... 993 more years until I can taste that sweet freedom.

Overcooked

Inspired by all those recipes that involve "simmering for two minutes" or related activities over a similar time allocation. It doesn't matter whether you're watching that food like an eagle or literally forgetting that you've got something cooking on the stove top, you're going to overcook it anyway, so you may as well adjust your taste buds to that charred but smoky flavour while you can and prolong your misery for years to come.

Garbage Can't

Reminds me of my youth, before my deep resentment for cooking, when I made cookies for the first time: They were rock-hard biscuits with bitter chocolate chips and an unusually salty aftertaste, destined for the trash, but somehow people were convinced it was worth trying because "they look alright". Ah, to be young again...

Lost in translation

Ah, money: The language that every restaurant speaks, regardless of which country you're in. Granted, you're somewhat aware that said restaurant will try to take advantage of your ignorance and make you pay more money than you have to. Because I'm not making that mistake. Again.

The Forgotten Recipe

One of the many reasons why I loathe cooking is that people are usually expecting me to clearly remember how to cook something that I've apparently made before. I would say there's a plethora of more important stuff to remember such as public holidays, medical appointments and whatever I was last doing when playing Tropico 3.

The Great Devourer

Let me tell you, whenever you cook microwave popcorn, the bag ends up tasting better than the actual popcorn because that's where all the seasoning ends up. And if you haven't been licking down the sides of the bag before disposing of it, you've been missing out on the experience of a lifetime, even though it's probably bad for your health.

Since we've hit the 300 comic milestone, the obligatory bonus blog post is now available. But more than that...

We've now got an Instagram account! 🎉

Now you can find all the latest blog posts you loathe (and more) in TWO places on the Internet! The link can be found in the Social Media side bar, or you can click on that giant announcement heading.

Candy Crushed

Largely inspired by my purchase of a Kinder Happy Hippo 5-pack from Thailand back in 2019, only eating it on special occasions because the darn thing was so hard to buy here in Australia. And then all of a sudden, every supermarket within a 2 kilometre radius is now selling these things! Could I have been a bigger fool?! Probably; I could have just tossed them all out instead of eating them.

Floor Food

As a supposed sequel to last week's comic, I sometimes try to reason with people as to why eating food off the floor is actually a good thing that benefits everyone to some extent. Should you also use these to justify your animal-like instincts when it comes to potentially wasted food? Sure, if you don't value your social credibility.