Financially-Efficient Gift Suggestions

With Father's Day literally around the corner, I can probably guess you're scrambling and fumbling about, trying to scavenge enough cash for that coveted Gruntmaster 6000. Fret no more, your boy Dante has got you covered with four fool-proof gift ideas that have been tried-and-tested over the course of time.
Although having said that, do expect disappointment from others who have spent hundreds of dollars and hours of time perfecting that one-of-a-kind gift, but what you lack in finesse you make up for in savings.

Value for Money

It's a well known fact that people pay for convenience, whether it's a wafer stick in one's coffee or the service of having someone pour blazing hot coffee down your throat. Sometimes I think that "convenience" has made us all lazy and soft, expecting nice things to happen when we throw enough money at something. Sure, the reason the economy works is because of the fact that people get paid to exhibit convenience, but if there's anything I've learned from university, it's that... uh... wait, did I learn anything from university at all?

Just Browsing

You know how the old saying goes: You can't judge a book by its cover. And it's been tried-and-true on many occasions. So does that legitimise spending hours at JB Hi-Fi on a weekend, watching some half-baked romantic-comedy that you barely have any interest in?
Put it this way: If you were there for the movie, at least you didn't have to pay money to see it. If you were there for the T.V., at least you got a free movie out of it. And if you were there for something else entirely, at least the day can't get any more worse.

Student Discount

Being a student, you tend get things at a cheaper rate at certain places such as cinemas and public transport. Also being a student, you're often on a shoestring budget that counteracts with your student discounts, making you still too poor to purchase all your favourite things.
Fortunately, there are usually workarounds, with some often involving a compromise of one's moral judgement. But anything goes when you can't wait to get your hands on that sweet uranium ore from Amazon.com.

High School Profits

Nothing compares to the moral ambiguity of scamming your fellow students in high school, and taking advantage of the fact that you're all broke and need something to eat. Admittedly, it was probably easier, and more financially consistent, to land a part-time job at Coles or Woolworths than it was to orchestrate this elaborate scheme. To put things into perspective:

Cadbury Fundraiser Box capacity: 50 units (75 units before the box becomes too unwieldy to carry around)
Best case scenario: You buy 50 - 75 units of chocolate at 50 cents each, costing about $25 - $32.50.
Assuming all units are sold in a day, and you make $50 - $75 (you're going to have a bad time selling these things to students for more than $1) and make a net profit of $25 - $32.50.

That's the equivalent of working 4 - 6 hours at minimum wage ($6 - $8 here in Australia for youth), ignoring any tax. And that's for a best case scenario, which is not something you would expect on a regular basis unless you're a true "snake oil salesman".

Intrinsic Product Qualities

More often than not, people often satirise me as "that guy who saves every cent" or "the dude who won't pay for anything". To an extent (i.e. it's the truth), that is the truth. But sometimes I do want to be the person who is willing to listen to what a product has to offer rather than how much it costs, to experience the convenience of the current age instead of dulling those trivial pains. You know, I think it's time to stop this charade and just accept that money is just --
SLAP!
... Sorry about that, I was almost convinced that spending money is actually a normal thing to do.

Money is Time

A related mini-sequel to last week's comic. Over the last 4 - 6 months, I've been going to the same butchery, approximately everyday around the same time solely for their free rump steak samples. At this point, one of the workers remembers my face (but not my name, fortunately) and usually jokes about how I never buy anything. I remember getting a laugh out of him when I said I was paying for those free samples with my time. Those were the days... Those still are the days.